Wednesday

so glad to be working

It's the time between the holidays, when no one wants to be at work.  Anyway, it's been an exciting time here at the office this week. People are inordinately busy for this time of year.  Very busy scheduling doctors appointments, filing fingernails,  making travel arangements for vacations, holding meetings to discuss where they are going for lunch, performing customer service by bringing babies with them to work because they somehow missed the fact that the daycare is closed until after the new year, updating and downloading apps and software for their Christmas presents such as ipads, updating their resumes, sharing holiday drama stories, checking lottery tickets, and yes, maybe in between all these very important things a little work might be getting done. 

living in the south

I followed a group of beautiful middle aged women into the grocery store last night, one of them was loudly lamenting "It was horrible, I didn't even get to see John Cena or anyone. I missed the entire thing. I cried and cried".   I went home and googled John Cena, it took me a while to figure out how to spell his name - you know you live in the south when a grown woman, with makeup on, dressed up, looking good is all upset because she missed out on seeing a WWF  or WWE or whatever it is wrestler. 

Went to the doctor today. Parked my car in the parking garage as I exited my vehicle I realized there were not one, not two, not three but four pairs of shoes hanging off the power line right outside the parking garage where I parked.

As I drove back to my office, I passed several groups of homeless people.  I noticed one man wearing an expensive Sean John jacket as he pushed his grocery cart of goods down the street. Another woman in her Skittles jacket pushing her cart and a group of men walking around in their very expensive tennis shoes, jackets and hats waiting outside the mission for the next mealtime to arrive.  

Awww.... life in the south

Monday

and then the house burns down

2011 was determined to go out with a bang.  I didn't know how determined she was.  It's been a rough year for just about everyone I know.  We've done ok if you don't count our finances.  We've been healthy pretty much and I'm so grateful for that but my bank acount? well that sucks.  2011 was the year of completely unpaid child support, completely unreimbursed medical bills, totaled car, plumbing problem after plumbing problem and broken furnaces etc.  I thought we were done with money problems pretty much until last night when I found out my house burned down.  It burned to the ground.  I apparently bought a live tree, I've never had a live tree before (never mind that I was raised with only live tree's) and I didn't know I needed to water the tree and it got too dry and caught fire and burned my house to the ground and I lost everything. E V E R Y T H I N G!    E V E R Y T H I N G   Y'all - Just want to make sure you understand because I was more than a little confused as I was sitting in my kitched when the news reached my ears. 
Some insane apparently well meaning soul decided my children and I deserved an awesome Christmas this year.  Thankfully the insane well meaning soul came by to let me know how awesome our Christmas was going to be, - cause when they told me they had "fudged the details a little bit" and told the store owners and managers that my house burned down and I had lost everything. I flipped out!   Are you kidding me?

We didn't lose anything! we went through a bad divorce, we lost things. We didn't lose everything.  We have each other.  This person apparently lost their marbles.  Thankfully, they mentioned the names of the places they had notified of my tragedy so I called the stores this morning and let them  know my home had NOT burned down and I had NOT lost everything. 

Can you imagine my confusion if Channel 3 had shown up on the doorstep of my non burned home?

can you say FRAUD?

I know they meant well, but I can see this leading to the loss of my job and my children.

Thanks but no thanks.

Please let 2012 be better.

Friday

I'm awesome....

Yesterday I did it... I finished my annual review AND I gave it to my boss.  Shouldn't be a big deal, but it is.  It's only 117 days late.  I always complete my self reviews early and they are always the same.   They ask the same questions every year. 
1. Describe the specific examples blah blah blah
2. Describe anything you would like to improve,blah blah
3. What do you think are the strengths blah blah?
4. What gives you the most satisfaction blah blah blah ?
5. Describe how well you achieved the performance goals blah blah bleh blah

I answer them the same way every year. Not this year.   I've set goals for myself this year in my personal life and those goals are rolling into my professional life.  I don't draw lines in the sand anymore and people don't push me around anymore.  It works pretty well when I draw a line in the concrete so I drew some concrete lines in my annual review. I listed all the work I do, the work my boss has no idea I actually do. Work that other people are supposed to be doing.  Work they claim, work other people put their name on. 
I listed my accomplishments and when we meet next week I am telling him that HR recommends a re-evaluation of my position because my role has changed so much over the past 9 years and thinks I need a new job description be written.   I hope he will listen.  Drawing lines in concrete and speaking up for myself professionally is new for me.  I don't want this to backfire



Thursday

i know you couldn't wait

Important Memorandum
I know you couldn't wait for an update on my so very important interoffice memorandum about the carpet cleaning yesterday. So I decided to move all the crap off my floor so they could shampoo the four square inches of carpet that are visible to the outside world when they decide to visit my shoebox of an office.  I picked up boxes, rearranged furniture and moved recycle bins and trash cans - yes, I really did do all that flippin work.   My carpet it turns out was filthy! Gross and disgusting.  I was so ready to see the new and improved carpet this morning.  I arrived bright and early eager to see the new office.... what did I see?
ummm....
yeah....
well...
it....
is...
not....
so...
new...
or...
improved...
at....
all...
Paper clips,
Glitter,
crap,
dust bunnies,
dead bugs,
EVERYTHING,
all over my four square inches of carpet
They didn't touch my office
they didn't touch the conference room
they didn't touch the offices of sick woman
or several other people either
I don't know what we did wrong
we moved our stuff
left our signs on the door just like we were instruced
we did everything every one else did
our signs were removed just like everyone elses were
yet our carpets look like crap
and weren't shampooed
or vacuumed
or cleaned
they don't smell nice
I feel slighted
unloved
and picked on

On a brighter note... we put Candy Canes on the tree last night so you will get pictures of that tomorrow

Lord, she's ill

around the corner, about one, two, three, make that four offices down from me there's a woman who is hacking, choking, gaggingly ill (gaggingly is so a word).  Lord, she's ill.  She shouldn't be at work.  Maybe she feels ok but she doesn't sound ok.  She starts coughing and it turns into choking then hacking, then gagging and then you want to run in there and give her the heimlich manuever.  Two days We've all been listening to her. She's that sick.  She needs to go home.    Good thing I have these:


If this woman gets me sick I'm gonna sneeze and cough those germs right back on her, or or something!

Wednesday

Interoffice Memo

I had one of those Interoffice Memorandum's taped to my office door when I came in this morning. More accurately, I walked through a hallway widely decorated with interoffice memorandums (it looked like it snowed).  Must be something important I thought but since I hadn't had a cup of coffee yet, I couldn't quite comprehend what all the red and black print on the page was trying to tell me.  I opened my office door, grabbed my coffee mug and started my day.   A few minutes and a shot of caffeine later I looked at the oh so important memo

TO: Occupant of Room # ______
FROM: Environmental Services Department
SUBJECT: FLOOR REFINISHING or carpet cleaning schedule
We are in the process of blah blah blah to the floor this room has been scheduled to have the floor refinished blah blah blah blah.  we will give you 1 - 4 days notice.    This room has been scheduled DAY: TODAY between 5:00pm and 1:30am    remove everything off the floor   blah blah blah blah


I glance down at the carpet on my office floor, the precious few inches of carpet that are showing between the filing cabinets and my desk and the boxes of crap I am required to maintain in my office.  Glad they put that or carpet cleaning on the memo in such large bold print or I might have missed it.  What am I to do with all this crap?  How am I supposed to get everything off the floor? Is it really worth it to have them shampoo the 4 square inches of visible carpet?  I don't want my carpet to look worse than everyone else's carpet in the department, but will they even notice?  it's such a small amount of carpet and people ever only comment on how I live in a closet all day...    oh crap, it's a lot of work to get the stupid carpet cleaned.

Tuesday

life has been blissfully busy. Yeah Right...

it has right? and full of wonderfully christmassy holiday type things, right?  NO lawyers, NO drama, NO hateful accusations etc... so we won't talk about all that. Instead we will focus on things like all the Christmassy things in my office and a few from home...
Here's a picture of Candy canes in a mess of a candy dish on my desk,
note to self, put some candy canes on the tree at home! 

 I have two poinsettia's on my desk at work.  Each one a gift from a man.  Two different men, who have not spoken to me in months.  Last monday one of them (nickname is Issues) walked in and set the plant on my desk and muttered Happy Holidays to you and walked out.  Not another word.  (rumor has it, he has recently gotten married, guess he isn't allowed to speak to single women anymore).    Then on Thursday in walks second guy (Seven Sins) and sets the plant on my desk with a "Why do you already have a poinsettia on your desk? Who gave it to you? Why did someone give you a poinsettia? I wanted to give you a plant? AND I WANTED MINE TO BE THE BEST ONE!"    I thanked him for the plant and picked up the phone to make a quiet call to someone...security maybe?
Here is Captain's new favorite place in the house.  - Doesn't he look deceptively innocent?

Thursday

All over the place

My little miss is all over this video. Lil man who is one month to 5, tries to rap this out - too funny.

This guy at work needs some anger management classes, he went off on a delivery guy today. His manager came to me and asked me to enroll him in a "customer service" class tomorrow.  No such luck.  No instructer led customer service classes are on the horizon.  We only offer Web based classes for Customer Service. Really?  People who need people skills are expected to gain those skills by clicking their way through a web based class and taking a test that you can print screen all the answers?  I don't have much hope for the angry employee showing much improvement.

I'm watching what I eat. I'm always watching what I eat. It's a never ending battle with me. If for one minute I wink some fattening food will slip in and stick to my hips and Ass PERMANENTLY and I will never ever get it off so I have to be consistent and persistent and mean and not allow anything to cross my lips except alcohol and coffee.   This week I messed up.  I forgot to eat, again.  Yesterday I went home from work because I was sick and freezing and I couldn't warm up.  The kids came home from school and My little miss came in my room Mom, i didn't see you eat last night, or this morning, so when was the last time you ate?  oops... it had been a while.  Maybe I wasn't sick.  Maybe I should let a few calories cross these lips every now and then.   I ate lunch today - yeah me!

Tuesday

rambling thoughts

I read today that She who shall remain nameless (the woman with 8 kids to many kids and no husband and whose name begins with a K) just ran a marathon in Las Vegas.  They called her a "beauty"...really?  hmm... I wonder who was watching her kids while she trained and while she ran the marathon out of state, away from those kids.   It wasn't their dead beat dad, it sure wasn't their dead beat mom either.   I'm not a hater of She who shall remain nameless however I'm not in love with her either.   I think she could do a better job parenting those kids.   She wanted them, she gave birth to them and she should focus on them instead of seemingly focusing entirely on herself.   I only have four children, I don't have time to run a marathon.  I wish I had the time to train and run a marathon.  It's a matter of priorities, that's what some would say.  My priorities are something along the lines of: work so we can pay the bills, feed the kiddo's, keep them happy, sleep a little, homework, etc...  

I'm rambling today, it's ok... I've done it before, I'm used to it.  It's freezing freaking cold outside. I'm whiny when it's cold. It's wet outside. I'm whiny when it's wet.  It's windy outside, I like wind.  BUT when it's cold and wet and windy - then I'm BITCHY!!!  So run run like the wind Bullseye cuz I'm not pleasant to to be around.

Christmas is around the corner - have you noticed?  our neighbors have their yard decorations out.  tomorrow if I can get a picture of it, I will show you their soggy deflated yard decorations... it's sad

Christmas band concerts last night... oh lord spare us...is all I have to say. Ok, you know that's not ALL I have to say.  First year band, if they hit the right note and you can actually tell what song they are playing - you are shocked! I have a kid in first year band.  He runs up to me after the concert mom on the third song, second stanza, I messed up!  I was a little flat.  really? I say probably no one noticed.  How would you hear one solitary wrong note in a cacophany they called a Christmas Band concert?   Yes, these are the days of pleasant holiday things... mmhmmm...

Monday

Good deeds...

Real:
Worked a marathon - have you ever mixed powerade in 50 gallon trashcans?  looks like witches brew minus the eye of newt
Secretly bought groceries for a friend - not much but every little thing counts
Mailed secret notes of encouragement to several people having a bad week
Worked a couple of other charity events

If life was the way I want it, these are the good deeds I would have done this week - Imaginary Good Deeds:
Standing in line at Target - I thought about how much fun it would be to tell the cashier I was paying for the purchases of everyone standing in line (you know, if I had won the lottery or something).
Running a marathon - mmhmm like that will EVER happen, more likely to win the lottery
Bought groceries for several families I know who are struggling (but it wouldn't be just once, nope I would love to buy them groceries and sneak it on their porch every friday for like a year).  That would be super fun! And - I would put a gift certificate in the bag so the mom could get her hair cut and colored or whatever she wanted so she would feel special. 
Those police officers who put their lives on the line for us every day? Their families would receive gift certificates for photo shoots with my favorite photographer, and zoo memberships.  Something to give them memories together.
The Researchers at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital who have sacrificed everything to save my child's life? I would donate millions - the Dysfunctional foundation would officially save lives and I would be so happy!

I know a lot of people if they won the lottery would buy a boat, a house, a new car etc...  I dream about different things.  How that money would change the world.  I'm sure I won't ever find out what that amount of money will do and that's ok because I know what I can do with the amount of money I have.  With this amount of money I can help those around me, with what I have been given I can change lives and for this I am grateful.  With the small amount of talent I have been given I will use it to help others.

Thursday

anybody have a four year old? Raise your hand

Anybody have a four year old that keeps you rolling on the floor laughing? Raise your hand
Tuesday night, little man was in the bathtub.  He has a routine when bathing.  It goes something like this: "MOM  I'm Ready to GET OUT! NOW!"  I walk in with a towel.   "Mom, Not that towel. I need a Blue towel".   I get the blue towel off the shelf.  "No mom, not the light blue towel, the bright blue towel."   Picture mom confused. I reach for a different blue towel "Mom, the B R I G H T blue towel"  he says the word "bright" slowly as if it helps me understand him better.  I reach for the blue towel on the left and he says sounding frustrated "never mind, just use the orange one".  As I grab the orange towel little man says "i'm not ready just yet, there's still water in here cause I didn't pull the plug yet. Haha".  I knew this was coming.  He does it everytime. It's our routine.  So I place the towel on the vanity and go back to whatever I was doing.   Tuesday night was no different so when he yelled the second time, sis went in and grabbed the orange beach towel to get him out of the tub.   Sis was standing there waiting on the last of the water to drain (lil man waits for the very last drop to exit the bathtub) I hear him as he looks down at his naked self and he says "oh I soooo did not want to see that naked body right now".   Sis and I burst into laughter!  Little man was offended and demanded to know if we liked looking at our selves naked.  We told him not so much but we aren't 4 year old boys.  He said "well there are days you like your body and days you just don't".

Not a mommy blog but the kids are going to creep in here every now and then.  Sorry y'all